i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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