There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
