But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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