is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
