i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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