i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
