Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
