in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
