She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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