I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Im part way to drunk.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
