So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
