Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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