You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
They have beer where we have blood.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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