i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
