So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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