Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
