So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
