If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
