Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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