I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
what day is it and did you see me today?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hippo gnu deer
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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