just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
