God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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