apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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