Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
