Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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