Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
