just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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