Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
