you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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