It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
