i used baking grease as lip gloss
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
