You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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