I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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