I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize