Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
