I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
