I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
what day is it and did you see me today?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
