i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
