your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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