I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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