Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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