I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
