JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just found puke in my bra..
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
