just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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