I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
