I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
