just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
