oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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