you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
