We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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