Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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