i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
