Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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