we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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