dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
