After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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