In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
