Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
