my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
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