why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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