yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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