True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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