No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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