Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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