I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize