I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
