i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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