hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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