who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
