i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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