so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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